


Day 01: Illogical

by NessieFromSpace



Series: 12 Days of Tropemas [1]
Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: 12 Days of Tropemas, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Vaughn breaks out in hives, Vaughn is August's fake boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28050585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NessieFromSpace/pseuds/NessieFromSpace
Summary: The trope: Fake boyfriend. August asks Vaughn to be his fake boyfriend while he goes home for the holidays. It falls apart very quickly when Vaughn meets Vallory.
Relationships: August/Vaughn (Borderlands)
Series: 12 Days of Tropemas [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2054727
Kudos: 4





	Day 01: Illogical

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! And welcome to my 12 Days of Tropemas!

Vaughn had seemed like the best candidate when Sasha had given him the idea of a fake boyfriend to act as a buffer between him and his mother. Vaughn wasn’t argumentative and had a tendency of droning on and on about accounting and that had seemed like the perfect revenge to his mother. And honestly, the first day they’d arrived was perfect. His mother was bored and Vaughn kept rambling.

And he was starting to like the way Vaughn stammered when August wrapped an arm around him. Sure, the nerd was hot as hell, but he exclusively talked about accounting and August knew nothing other than that about the guy. So it was a surprise the next morning when Vaughn was quiet.

They stood in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to finish when his mother came in.

“Hurry up with that coffee.”

Vaughn grunted. “Yeah, August, can’t you make the coffee machine, designed and programmed by engineers, go any faster than possibly can? Surely you know how to speed up time.”

August blinked. Vallory stopped her walk across the kitchen. “Excuse me?”

Vaughn shrugged.

Vallory frowned at August. He shrugged, he had no idea where this attitude was coming from. She huffed and went into the dining room to do her morning routine.

August leaned in. “Are… You okay?”

“Sorry, I’m not a morning person,” Vaughn sighed, not looking at him.

“Alright…”

Vaughn dressed his coffee and sipped it. He sighed loud and long, grinning wide “Oh man, that’s heaven.”

August found himself smiling. He hadn’t really seen Vaughn smile like that either. Truth was, he was Sasha’s friend, not his. Vallory came in then and fixed herself some coffee. August paused, waiting to see if he’d finally gotten it right after all these years.

She grunted. “Tastes terrible, still can’t make a good cup of coffee.”

“Oh please!” Vaughn scoffed. “That phrase is such a load of crap. The concept of a ‘good’ cup of coffee is so biased from person to person that the very notion that there’s only one way to make a cup of coffee is more than idiotic, it’s just illogical and wrong. One way to make coffee in one culture is wrong or gross in another. There is no one standard for what coffee should or shouldn’t taste like. If you didn’t like how he made coffee, you should have just made it yourself.”

Vallory frowned. “Well, got a mouth on ya don’t you, boy?”

“Ma,” August sighed.

She stared at August and said no more. August was not able to talk with Vaughn anytime after that since family began showing up. He was not as cheery or agreeable as he normally was. He continued the snide comments that August could tell grated on his mother.

“You should pay August with how much you order him around.” “I’m sure he meant to trip over that on purpose.” “That’s not how you tell what good whiskey is…” The last one was followed by a long rant about the whiskey making process.

“I don’t care what the process is,” Vallory snapped.

Pushing his glasses up, Vaughn shrugged, smirking. “I just figured you’d want to make sure you actually knew what you were bitching about so you could properly scrutinize August.”

She glared at him. “He is _my_ son.”

That only made Vaughn frown deeper. “So? He’s also _my_ boyfriend. What does that have to do with anything?” They sat at the dinner table with his cousin and aunt. His aunt sighed and sat back in her chair, drinking her wine. His cousin smirked as he watched.

Vallory glared at him. “I’m getting pretty sick and tired of the disrespect you’ve showed me all day.”

“I don’t see why I should, you haven’t done anything to earn any respect. You’ve done nothing but sit in a chair and order August around and then criticize him. What about that is any ounce of respectful? You moan and whine how nothing is perfect and everything is trash and expect it to make any logical sense!”

Vallory glared, standing up. “This is _my_ house and while we’re under _my_ roof, he will do what I tell him to do, not that he can ever do anything right-”

Vaughn stood up now. “And this is where you’re just plain wrong and dumb! August works harder than you could ever dream of doing! He’s got more people who respect him than any hairs on your head that _aren’t_ turning white! You drag him down because you’re scared of how successful he’s become and you know you could never measure up to him. You don’t deserve to be related to someone as intelligent and hardworking as he is!”

August knew he needed to stop this, to stop Vaughn from starting a fight with his mother, but the words rapidly spilling out of Vaughn caught him so off guard, he could only watch. He had never seen anyone stand up to his mother this way and certainly not about him.

His mother was just as equally shocked and for a long moment, she said nothing. She looked at August. “ _This_ is the kind of rabble you associate with? How pathetic.”

“You’re pathetic, lady!” Vaughn snapped. “You are so insecure about yourself you have to bully others to feel better! You are bitter and you’re going to end up alone and you’ll have no one to blame, but yourself.” He stepped away from the table. “I’m leaving, your whole… illogical, dumb personality is making me break out in hives.”

Without thinking, August stood to follow Vaughn.

“If you leave with that disrespectful wart, you are never allowed here again.”

“He’s _not_ a disrespectful wart. He’s my boyfriend and he’s right. Goodbye ma.” He turned and got out of her line of sight just as a plate came crashing against the wall. He moved up to the room he was sharing with Vaughn. He was angrily shoving everything haphazardly into his pack.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not apologizing to your mother! She’s a horrible bitch and I can’t stand her.”

“Me neither.”

Vaughn turned, shocked. “Oh.”

August’s eyes widened. “Vaughn you’re face-”

“-Is covered in hives, yeah, that wasn’t just a rude remark.”

August moved to shove the small amount of things he’d brought into the bag as well. Thankfully, he’d learned how to pack like he was always ready to leave, so he finished up faster than Vaughn and then helped him. “We should get you to an emergency room.”

“No, I just need aloe vera and to soak in an oatmeal bath,” he laughed suddenly. “And to get away from anything that’ll stress me out more.”

“We’ll stop at a store before checking into a hotel.”

* * *

Their room had one bed, but it had a bathtub and that’s what August focused on. He got it ready for Vaughn while he unpacked.

“Oh wow, they have twenty porn channels.” August heard from the main room.

It made him laugh and he looked at the open door, lips curling into a devilish smirk. “You saying you want to watch some?”

There was a pause. “Nah, I bet they all do the thing where they skip the good parts by going to commercials for _Girls Gone Wild_.”

“Bath’s ready.”

Vaughn came in. “Thanks…” He looked off to the side. “I’m sorry about picking a fight with your mom… I don’t normally do that…”

August stood. “Hey, don’t worry about it. No one’s stood up for me like that before, especially not against her. Most people are too terrified of her.”

Vaughn blinked. “She is scary, but I was too mad to care…”

Shaking his head, August smirked and leaned against the wall. “Yeah, you were a better fake boyfriend than I’d thought you be.”

He watched Vaughn turn red around the hives. He cleared his throat. “Uh… Well…” he looked at the bath. “You put two packets in, that would be...” He started to ramble the math out loud as he turned away from August.

“Sure…” August left him, shutting the door. He was smiling wide, realization washing over him. He leaned against the door, mind racing through all their encounters. He remembered now, how Vaughn and Rhys would be in deep conversations about their game and then he’d start talking about numbers when August came over. Just like now.

After a few minutes, he called through the door. “Can I ask you a question and please answer honestly.”

“...Okay…”

“Do you want to date me?” There was an extremely long pause that August thought Vaughn had fallen asleep. “Vaughn?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you-” he frowned. “Is that yeah you do want-”

“Yeah.”

August grinned and he nodded. “I’ll go get us some food.”

“Sure…”

When he got back, Vaughn was sitting on the bed in his pajamas, skin glistening from aloe vera. He was channel surfing and jumped when August entered. “The only place open was Denny’s.”

Vaughn nodded. “That’s fine.”

“You feeling better?” August began setting the food on the small table.

“Yeah, they’re almost gone…”

“Good, you won’t be too distracted for our first date.”

Vaughn’s eyes widened. “What? You want- but that doesn’t make sense. All I ever talk about is stupid numbers around you.”

August laughed. “Yeah, but you also stood up to ma and anyone who does that without expecting anything in return deserves a chance. And I also realized you only talked numbers when you were nervous. Maybe now you won’t be?”

Vaughn grunted. “I highly doubt that, but if you want to torture yourself, I won’t stop you.”

Laughing, August motioned him to the table. “Let’s eat then.”

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr: http://nessiefromspace.tumblr.com/  
> My Borderlands/ fanart tumblr: https://nessiesspeakeasy.tumblr.com/  
> My old Borderlands tumblr: http://nessiefromink.tumblr.com/


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